i can honestly say that i was not proud of myself this sunday when we had our scheduled 17mile run on THE hottest recorded day in
today i woke up angry at myself and met with my friend at 6am to try it again. even though i had THE shittiest run EVER today, complete with a temper tantrum at mile 11, almost peeing myself at mile 14, THE most horrible blisters i have ever seen (one on every toe and the whole underside of my feet with 2 HUGE ones) that prevent me from walking like a normal person right now, chafing, and a 75 y/o dude in a tiger speedo, man boobs + a floppy hat when we hit the pool i RAN 17 MILES.
i had to do it. i had to get it out of my head and check the box. i had had a pretty decent season up until after the 10mile run. then shit started to fall apart at work, i got the nasty flu that beat the crap out of me and made me so weak and all climaxed with my ‘mandatory vacation’.
today i can barely move but i hope that this will help me get over the static in my head. i still don't know if im going to run the full or the half. but my head is my biggest hurdle. not the blisters on my feet, or the pain in my legs. its all in my head. and if i want to mentor people at any point i have to get over it.
there is this thing runners (i refuse to call myself one until i cross ‘the’ finish line) called The Wall. what is it? “it is a legendary thing. Usually encountered around mile 20, it's the point where the flesh weakens, the spirit sags and the will drains away into a little puddle on the ground. Legs turn to melting Jell-O and breath comes in short, gasping gulps. In all of sports, there is probably nothing as feared, or misunderstood, as this inner barrier where the unprepared run out of steam and can go no further.”
in my world, my wall became my head. the static in my brain that just wouldn’t let me hear anything else, let me go any further, storm me with powerful emotions and worlds like can’t, won’t, NO. my mind just goes to strange places. sometimes i may be running and think of nothing at all, then think of the events of the day, then think of the a beautiful flowers here and there, then i feel the blisters, or the heat, or i start struggling with my breathing and its all downhill from there on. i don’t think anyone ever explained to me that when i started training my head would hurt as much as my legs (which oddly enough haven’t bothered me as much, the blisters are a killer though). the road blocks in my head have been far worse than any blister, sun burn, chafe, and body ache.
my sports nirvana? the promised land. aka the gate to where we started + the promise of that awesomely cold pool that waited for us when we managed to get back. that got me through the last 6 miles. that and Javier’s stubbornness. instant sports nirvana? i wish it came in the form of a salt pill.
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